A Young Mokele Mbembe Has Been Found.

“A young Mokele Mbembe has been found!”

Weeks ago, word spread like wildfire through the rag-tag cryptozoology community that roams the Democratic Republic of the Congo in search of the prehistoric swamp creature. Believed by many to be a living sauropod dinosaur, the mysterious behemoth has been sought by adventurers for nearly as long as the Loch Ness Monster.

Measuring up to 25-feet long, with a 5-feet long neck and draping tail, an adult Mokele Mbembe is said to have reddish-brown skin and a shy disposition, one reason why a living specimen has never been captured.

The monster inhabits one of the most hostile environments known to man. To simply set foot in the fetid, disease-ridden Likoula Swamp is to risk one’s life from strange maladies that make the Ebola virus seem like the sniffles. Among humans, only the legendary pygmy has been able to reside successfully in the swamps on a permanent basis. And even the hardy pygmy has a lifespan of a mere 35 years.

According to two reliable sources, the fresh Mokele Mbembe report set off a stampede among those men and women who have suffered serious illness and financial near-ruin in their quest to capture the dinosaur-like creature.

But once again their efforts were in vain. Because the team of three Chinese cryptozoologists that first arrived at the unnamed pygmy village on the shores of Lake Tele did not find a youthful Mokele Mbembe. Elders in the village, which had been experiencing famine-like conditions, acknowledged they had snared a 10-foot long monstrosity. But they had then slaughtered it and devoured the succulent chicken-like meat in a celebratory all night feast and sexual orgy involving dozens of writhing participants no more than 4′ 8″ tall. Even the bones had been crushed and mixed with an estimated two gallons of menstrual blood to create a paste aimed at increasing the potency of the male hunters who had saved the lives of so many starving young children.

Has science been cheated of its first great 21st century discovery? Or is it better to have innocent children survive by eating the nutritious flesh of a rarity that “civilized” man only desires to probe, examine and measure?